


Broken Walls

by Giddleford



Series: Old Relationships [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Friends, Graham is worried, Hot Chocolate, The Doc should stop repressing their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giddleford/pseuds/Giddleford
Summary: Graham is unable to sleep and so over a mug of hot chocolate he manages to deepen his friendship with the Doctor.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Graham O'Brien
Series: Old Relationships [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642438
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Broken Walls

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this by hand while I was not paying attention to some lectures during the span of one day, it was bugging me, a lot, so I had to have it done. It’s also my first published fanfic which is, well, scary. To those who are fortunate to know the references, you will love them, to those who don’t, I hope you just enjoy it.
> 
> Thank you to the amazing @not-mandip on Tumblr for being my beta tester and helping me come up with the title. I wouldn’t have written this if you hadn’t invited me to your cursed chat, so thank you for that as well.

The TARDIS was quiet, only the usual white-nose remained. Graham had been exhausted, there had been way too much running in the last adventure and he no longer had the stamina. He was doing pretty good for his age, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t tired. As he lay in bed of his longtime claimed bedroom his muscles relaxed, leaving parts of him painfully sore. He’d have to ask the Doc for a calm adventure, thought Graham, he didn’t think he’d be able to move tomorrow. He tucked himself tighter and let his body relax even further, now feeling as if he was floating. He reckoned he’d be falling asleep soon, he was in warm and soft plaid pajamas with a blanket with a fluffy underside over him but yet he couldn’t. He might have been laying down but his mind was still running. 

The Doc had been particularly reckless, as if she didn’t care about her life anymore. She was never careless with the fam though, always making sure they were alright, almost like a mother hen, but with herself, well, then it was different. Graham had a vague idea of regeneration, he knew that Doc was hard to kill, but he was still worried. He was so sure he had something to do with that man, oh what’s his name, yes, right, the Master. While the rest of the fam was trying to make out who he was, Graham had been looking for answers in her expression. He remembered quite clearly, even though it had been a while ago. She was standing still, shocked, as if she’d seen a ghost. He’d never seen the Doc like that. He knew she was furious as well, her anger tended to be very subdued, boiling beneath the surface but raw and potent. And yet he couldn’t exactly make out why she was angry, they hadn’t been left for dead in a crashing plane at that particular moment, and all the Master had done was reveal his true identity. He wanted to ask her so many questions, and he tried, he really tried but she had been so shut off, pretending as if nothing happened, as if everything was all right. He knew it wasn’t, he had been through too many hardships to know the face of grief and she wore it almost daily. He had to ask her, he wanted to help, to understand, to be supportive but only if she’d let him. 

Gosh, he’d worry his head off, no, he wouldn’t fall asleep if he worried so much, but he couldn’t help it.

He tried to think about things that made him happy, like watching The Chase on TV and beating the chaser from his sofa at home. Trivia, he was good at that. But no, that didn’t make him truly happy it was just a distraction. He knew who made him happy but thinking about her still hurt, it was bittersweet. Her smile, her mind, all of her still made him all dopey, but this time that ache he got when he looked at her was tinted with grief. He tried to focus on the positive, all the memories that they made, all the laughs that they shared, all those quiet afternoons and those rare mornings where it was sunny and she would brighten the day even more. At least he had Yaz and Ryan, they had been next to him, supportive as always, and so was the Doc, as alien as she was. Now he thought about it she had been incredibly understanding, always showing support. From small touches to meaningful looks, to small worlds when they were alone, she had been all too familiar with his grief, as she had been there. 

Darn it, this wouldn’t do, he was worrying again. It was as if he couldn’t control his thinking.

He had to clear his mind, perhaps a good mug of hot chocolate would help, like the ones Grace used to do on lazy nights. That paired with anything that could distract him would be greatly appreciated. He could watch TV, he’d meaning to finish The Hour but never got around to do so, too distracted by the evergoing travelling. Or maybe he could read a book, any of them classics. Definitely cozy, to be seated in a fluffy bed with a hot chocolate in hand and a book in the other. He shifted his in his bed, a bit reluctant to leave it’s heavenly comfort. As he stood up he located his slippers by the side of his bed, he then moved to reach for his matching fluffy robe. Perhaps he was out of bed, but he wasn’t going to sacrifice comfort. He headed towards the kitchen, or more specifically, he started walking around the halls expecting to eventually find the entrance. It didn’t take him long to find it, just like it didn’t take him long to prepare a warm mug of hot chocolate. He put marshmallows in the dark beverage, immediately feeling nostalgic for that was Grace’s favorite part. She had a sweet tooth, she would never admit it though. Graham chuckled under his breath, she could be quite stubborn sometimes. He missed her, even a simple hot chocolate made his heart ache, but right now he needed a distraction, a story to lull him to sleep. 

He wandered through the halls again looking for his room. He had decided he’d watch TV, perhaps something new, something he hadn’t watched before, like Broadchurch, he’d heard very good reviews. He was decided, but he couldn’t find his room. The halls of the TARDIS we’re like a labyrinth, yes, but he was so sure it was around that corner, instead of finding in the console room. He retraced his steps, incredibly confused, perhaps if he found his way to the kitchen he could walk back to his room, but all he found was dead ends and other rooms. Eventually he found a very particular dead end, it had a mug of hot chocolate identical to his own inside a little compartment. It seemed like the TARDIS wanted him to grab it. He did, and when he turned around there no longer was a dead end, just a simple turn. He kept walking, he shouldn’t have gotten out of bed, he thought, but at least he had gotten distracted. When he came back from his thoughts he was standing right in front of the entrance of the console room. He had the urge to come in, and so he did, having long lost the interest to rationalize the situation. 

He admired the room, sipping on one of his mugs when he spotted the open TARDIS doors. Sitting on the ledge with views to a gorgeous orange planet was the Doctor. Graham knew she didn’t sleep, or at least she didn’t sleep when they did but he didn’t expect her to be there. He thought she’d be tinkering with a gadget, constructing something, doing repairs but she was sitting there, still, and that terrified him because he knew something was wrong. He approached her with caution, making sure not to startle her as he sat down next to her. He mentally cursed, sore muscles. He recognized her tears, the pain behind her eyes and it hurt him. Wordlessly he offered her one of the mugs, internally making sure that it wasn’t the one he had drank from. Her eyes softened at the action and Graham knew that was her way of saying thank you. They both drank from their mugs admiring the gorgeous planet, emotions under both of their skins. Graham knew this planet was significant, he knew that she’d be allowed him to see something important even if he didn’t understand it, and he also knew that she was restraining herself, not letting him see her vulnerability.

“It’s gorgeous Doc,” whispered Graham, truly in awe of the sight. The Doctor looked down, instinctively hiding her face and then she looked back up readying herself to speak.

“I know.”

There was a brief moment when they shared eye contact, and that was the oldest Graham had ever seen her eyes look. So many lives were hidden behind those eyes, so much pain, so much regret and it struck Graham if her eyes had always looked like that when she was alone. Cautiously, he started wording his next sentence, he knew that he was meant to ask her, that this was the moment he had been waiting for. He was going to show his support, his worry.

“Hey Doc, I’ve been told I talk about my emotions too much. I’m a bit of an old sap you know, but I’m afraid you talk about them too little. Look, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but we are worried about you. I know you’re hurting Doc, don’t know exactly why, but I’m here, we are all here in case you need us. That’s what friends are for.“ 

At hearing those words, the Doctor broke down her barriers. She was also tired, the last adventure also had taken a lot from her, but she would never admit it. Small tears ran down her cheeks and a sad smile painted her lips. It was bittersweet, Graham thought, it was a conflict between good memories and bad ones, she was experiencing grief and in that moment Graham hated that he was right. He never liked seeing his friends in pain.

“That’s my home planet, Gallifrey. For a long time I thought it was gone, destroyed in the war.”

“But it’s not really gone, is it?”

“No, I brought it back”

Graham tried to understand. He failed.

“I used to be so sure that the only way to win the war was to destroy Gallifrey. At some point I found another way, and I brought it back but I forgot. They let me wallow in grief and guilt, so when I remembered I was furious. I had been so alone.”

“What happened then?”

“My childhood friend came back, after I thought he had died.”

Graham searched inside his brain, could that be? Yes, it must have been.

“The Master?”

“I thought he had changed, but suddenly all the work I had gone through crumbled. All those people I saved from myself were massacred. Thousands of people, my whole species. I didn’t feel alone anymore, but that was taken away from me.”

He couldn’t help but admire her, that despite so much pain being ever so present she still managed to smile, she managed to bounce around with shining eyes, she managed to keep hope and to save people from injustice.

“I know grief all too well Doc. My sister, my parents, my young love Jack, my true love Grace, I always felt alone afterwards. But know this Doc, there’s always people who love you but you won’t get to know that if you don’t talk to them. I know this is hard for you, to open up and talk about emotions, so thank you.”

The Doctor looked at Graham and smiled. It filled Graham with a familiar warmth, and so he smiled back, pouring as much love into the little gesture as he could. They finished drinking their hot chocolate in silence, just enjoying the presence of each other. At some point their mugs were empty and Graham felt himself close to yawning, so with a quiet grunt he stood up.

“Here, let me get that,” said Graham as he reached for the Doctors mug.“ You know Doc? I think we’re due a quiet day, we’re all sore from all the running, or at least I am. I’ll be heading back now, get some shut-eye. You should rest too Doc, don’t want you running ragged.”

Just as he was about to leave the Doctor called him.

“Thank you, Graham. For everything.”

“Anytime Doc, anytime,” responded Graham with a warm smile.

As he was going back to his room, he realized how content he was. A pleasant warmth filled his chest. His worries had dampened and now he knew that the Doc could count on him as much as he counted in her. That’s what he meant when he said he barely knew anything about her, and he still didn’t, he had just seen the surface, but now they had a little connection, and it was a start, a very meaningful at that. Perhaps after all this he could finally go to sleep, he was pretty tired after all.


End file.
